S.L.A.A. is a Twelve Step program for people recovering from sex and love addiction — it does not run meetings for spouses, family members, or significant others of addicts.
But, in Chapter 3 of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, the S.L.A.A. Basic Text, we meet Kate. As a young woman, she fell in love with a man named Rich and believed that loving him patiently, without complaint, would be enough to keep him faithful. It was not, and over time, she found herself making excuses for him, hiding her pain from friends and family, and setting aside pieces of her own identity to hold the relationship together.
Kate’s experience is not hers alone. Spouses, partners, parents, and children of sex and love addicts often describe a similar pattern: excusing behavior that hurts them, and gradually losing sight of who they are outside the relationship. Her story points that recovery for those who love an addict does not depend on the addict’s own recovery — it can take shape on its own terms. Kate describes this using the image of a golden coin, first shattered, and then mended again.
Several independent Fellowships exist specifically to serve this purpose. S.L.A.A. is not affiliated with, and does not endorse, any of the organizations below; this information is shared only as a service to those seeking support.
S-Anon International Family Groups
A Twelve Step program for anyone affected by someone else’s sex addiction — parents, siblings, adult children, and friends, not just spouses. Offers in-person, phone, and online meetings internationally, its own literature, and one-on-one phone support. Families with a teenager affected by someone’s behavior should also know about S-Ateen, S-Anon’s program for ages 12–19.
COSA (Co-Dependents of Sex Addicts)
A confidential, peer-led fellowship for people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s compulsive sexual behavior. Meetings are free, and the focus is on the affected person’s own healing rather than managing the addict’s behavior. COSA also maintains resources specifically for LGBTQIA+ members, men in COSA, and Spanish speakers.
“For those of you who are still suffering the pains of suspicion or the agony of discovery, we reach out in love and compassion. We are still only a few, a testimony to the power of this addiction to destroy relationships with those who do not share the illness. We hope that you will find comfort in the experiences we have shared. Like the addict, you are powerless over this addiction. The only efforts that will bear fruit are those you direct toward understanding yourself and preserving your own dignity. Tremendous obstacles will confront those attempting to build partnerships with sex and love addicts, even in the best of circumstances. We do not know if your personal situation can be transformed in reconciliation or not. But our prayers are with you, and we offer the hope and the vision of a golden coin of wholeness that has come to be in our lives. You are not alone. There is hope.”
– from Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Chapter 3.
